Tea

*Tea

Perhaps, have you over for tea?

To discuss all the ways in which your memory

Is relentless - rest-less...

may.be.not

maybe

What mad beliefs I hold onto

While writing letters to nowhere

Yielding nothing

But the same salty silences

Maybe,

We'll just have some tea

Casually...

Maybe,

I'll be prepared next time

For this sort of thing

Maybe,

I'll be prepared

So it wont take so long to swallow the story

And how it ended...

-a.a.b.

*paper*airplane*dreams

...In a dream I am wrapped around you - but, still, I stare up in confusion -caught in webs of discomposure - tangled intricacy.

Yet even in dreams I know that you're my love.

This is simple.

My heart melts again & again in your arms.

Without caution, yellow words escape from my heart out of my mouth and I'm afraid...

"Are we able to do the things this love requires - willing?"

"Have we lost sight of this - lost?"

"Could we believe, once more, in the love that belonged to only us?"

SILENCE... and I melt again - differently this time - like wax - burning - falling farther from the flame. For an instant, as I stand at the exit stairwell, I look back at you. Your light is consuming as always & your soul exudes a familiar warmth....comfortable.. beautiful.. home.. and the thought of your absence leaves me petrified - paralyzed. I love you. I love you, deeply.

As I look into your sullen eyes so as to say goodbye somehow the sorrow that has surrounded us finds the strength to surface & sting. My eyes fill with tears of naivety - tears pour with prayers for powers to clean hearts...clean hearts. Tears fall with prayers for powers to mean forever, break the make- believe - make right. Tears pray for powers but I'm drenched in reality.

"Let my love melt the hard spots of your heart. Quietly believe. Love me today - tomorrow - never leave..."

"Stay with me - Dream with me."

My eyes open - I'm awake & you are all about me. I seem to breathe you, hear you, feel you in me & around me.

And though your body is absent - it could not make my love more real.

-a.a.b.

*i wish i knew how to undo the knot that's tied inside..

The knot i tied in you .*

*Pillar of Fire*

*Pillar of Fire*

I took time to show you my scars

Naively believing you’d love me despite them.

Then you took time

and made your own...

But even with you I suffered

A lack of wholeness-

A fragmentation -

Disintegration.

And I’m so much better without you.

It’s become a matter of survival.

The weight is lighter, I can breathe..

& I’m no longer afraid.

Your feet hurried to deceive

And sorrow was born in our haste-full hearts

My eyes held the things I wanted to see.

My eyes held lies for too long.

I was led through the dark with a pillar of fire

And I’m so much better without...

You were brutish with your knowledge -

Left me confounded with your colors of fiction,

But they dulled & drowned in your deception,

And there is no breath left in them.

You were just a temporary muse -

An excuse to write a pretty poem.

But all the fires dead and tired,

And it seems your inspiration

has turned to prostration.

And I try, but your presence leaves me ill

When you were the one worth leaving

And the god you think you’ve found

Is still your sorry self.

And I try to see your pain,

But it wont ever be enough

To watch the years fall

And send my well wishes
...or hate you at all

but, still, I can't forgive myself

...or forget.

When all the while I carry a ten pound smile

Lay and wonder why things end

Wonder if things are ever the same

When you already know the ending
How the end always is

And we know things must end

And the end is...

always.

-a.a.b.

*Gestures & Constellations*

*Gestures & Contellations*

Caught somewhere in the middle of in-between

Like an autumn leaf you're so politely disarming

Yet, we set fire to bridges with the things we said & didn't mean

Could a saccharine smile be effectively charming?

In a cub of courtesy –
Could we feel a little pain together

'Cause we both know the good in good mourning

And we both know the sun hides despite perfect weather

If we don't have the eyes to see it

And I question - I've questioned - I'm questioning-

And I wake up wondering why things never make sense

Despite countless knee jerk reactions and distancing

The answers come in the silence

He carries a familiarity

That hides away iniquity

And runs to write what blows away

when we get lost - when we don't stay.

He carries a familiarity

That wakes the words inside of me.

Caught somewhere in the middle of in-between.

In the chasms between gestures and constellations

Is a September song blooming a spring time dream

That makes the solitude worth the revelations

Well acquainted with the rhythm in his step

'Cause he walks to a familiar song

That finds me catching count of heart-beats

Before his eyes close & I fall asleep

And I question – I've questioned - I'm questioning

But I found it buried beneath my defense;

Beneath the pretense and the distancing

The answers come in the silence

He carries a familiarity

That wakes the words inside of me..

-a.a.b.

*Composure*

*Composure*

This is no war

Only the mad belief that the Will of God

Can be attacked and overthrown.

I've seemed to meet and make my strange alliances

on grounds that have no meaning...

I met a mistake -

An error in my self-appraisal

And we joined lies in nothingness..

Two are as meaningless as one or one thousand...

But this journeys end is at a Place of Peace.

Illusions cannot triumph over Truth -

They battle only with themselves

And The Truth stands quietly

Illusions have no place where love abides -

You never loved me -

You lied.

And my forgiveness sweeps away your sin...

Your light grew dim -

not mine

not mine

Your altar fell -

not mine

not mine

Illusion meets Illusion -

Truth;Itself.

And far beyond this senseless sadness -

..Love Shines.

And still,

I'd never leave you frightened

And alone in your temptation

But help you rise above it

And perceive the Light

Of which you are a part.

I'd help you walk clean, redeemed, & happy

Through a world in bitter need

Of its own redemption.

For here is my salvation

And my freedom.

-a.a.b.